04 Jun 2021

Three Pillars Introduction and Pillar 1: How To Speak

Introduction to the Three Pillars Series

This is a presentation by Patrick Winston on how to speak. I have been working professionally for 5 years now. I was consistently rated as a high performer, but I always had trouble being seen as one by my peers. It always seemed like what I said was doubted, or not taken with autority. I often watched in frustration as other guys who may or may not have achieved as much as me get showered with praise and credit while I got seemingly nothing. I never understood what it was that was different about me. I knew I was successful but I was not regarded as being successful. Most people found me boring or simple. Within the first few minutes, Patrick Winston outlined the three things that I was missing. 44 seconds into the talk he says “Largely your success in life will be determined by three things: your ability to speak, your ability to write, and the quality of your ideas… in that order”.

That’s when it hit me. That’s what I was missing relative to the showered with praise guy. I had never been a speaker, never cared about how articulate my emails, or written comments were, and while I am by nature a deep thinker, I never took the time to forumlate my ideas in a way that I can explain to someone else. Natively I keep my ideas in a sort of mesamorphic state that never get tied to language. This has always enabled me to think outside the box, but I never won an argument, rarely convinced anybody of anything, and was never regarded as being intelligent. Don’t get me wrong I am not just out there for attention, I made it this far without any of it, and am not doing this out of a want of it. But I think if I am ever going to turn my dreams into actions, I need to study these three pillars of success.

So there you have it. The three pillars series is an attempt by me to deep dive into speaking, writing, and “content of your ideas” (more on what that means in the writing post). The output of studying each pillar is an essay on this blog devoted to each pillar.

So, How do You Speak?

Well admittedly that is an intense subject to put into one blog post. But, as they say, “essayons”. As a student of first principles, the best distilling point for this topic is this bold word:

STORYTELLING

If I was tasked with providing a definition of what a human was, I would say: “Humans are tribally aligned, storytelling mammals.” I hypothesize that verbal and written communication is best formatted as a story. I’ll start by conjuring up a storytelling algorithm, then discussing its application to personal conversations, and presentations/speeches.

So my algorithm is as follows:

I have a point to make -> beginning (frame the scene) -> rising action (conflict, doubt, development) -> climax (point is delivered) -> end it

Personal Conversations

How To Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie is a cornerstone on the importance of developing sympathy in interpersonal relations. Sympathy as in bridging and understanding and not pity. To speak interpersonally you need to use names, let the other person talk while you listen, compliment, smile, and do it all in a genuine way. There is no point in trying to communicate to another human unless you are genuinely interested in bridging a connection. We build sympathy in our conversations by the use of body language and mirroring techniques. Since you are doing such a good job listening, the best place for your hands is naturally at your side (or doing what the other person is doing, if its not awkward), and the best posture is that of your counterpart. Mirroring body language and speech patterns (catchphrases, methods of describing things) creates an unconscious connection. Keep the conversation going by picking something out of what they said, and start talking about that. You are constantly hunting for points of connection and commonality. If you have to speak at length, use the storytelling algorithm to frame your own experience.

Presentations/Speeches

Elements of this can be applied to making a point. By “presentation/speech” I mean that you have an understanding with the “audience” that you are getting a formal chance to deliver your point. In this format, you are speaking and others are listening (whereas in personal conversations it is best to reverse that). A good speech/presentation builds in the minds of the audience an idea. This is again an expression of storytelling. You have a point that you need make. But instead of delivering one story, you establish a structure and use narrative as a tool to deliver the parts to build the idea in the audience’s mind. Start off by telling them what they are going to hear. Then enumerate your points. As you progress through your speech, use the enumeration to check-in on the progress of the speech with the audience. Use storytelling to support the enumerated items and build towards the main point.

In my previous life, I was a combat arms officer in the Army. I got the chance to give a speech for someone else and I found this formula to make my point. One of my mechanics was getting promoted to Staff Sergeant. Normally you choose a mentor to “pin you” or put on the new rank in the course of the promotion ceremony. This soldier chose me to promote him. An officer pinning an NCO is quite unheard of, and the man is 10 years older than me. The gravity of the moment was crushing as this man was a cornerstone of my maintenance team, and easily its hardest worker. I struggled with the speech all the way up until I had to deliver it. I turned to the formation, and just simply told them the truth “SSG _ is the hardest working man I know”. I saw the wave of recognition wash over my soldier’s faces. They believed it because I believed it. I then took the point and delivered what he deals with on the day to day (including me pestering him), the hours he works, and the fact that we had to force him to go on vacation just a month before. I ended the speech thanking him for how much he does for me and for everyone. You could see the gratitude in his eyes, and I felt great about giving him the public praise he deserved.

End It

So we need to develop sympathy in our personal conversations, make a point, and tell stories. To bring the word forth and communicate is uniquely human, and is a skill that can be optimized. Next up: I’ll try to understand how to write.